|Posted on September 11, 2019 at 12:10 AM|
There are many misconceptions about what boundaries are. A boundary is not like a fence that’s around you, keeping other people out. Boundaries just means having a clear sense of individuality and self. Knowing what the difference is between me and you. A boundary defines who I am versus who you are.
As you can see in the picture provided problems start to happen within boundaries at the part where it is highlighted as “Us”. This is where the merging point between two people is intertwined. Where the decision that others make affects you and the decision that you make affects others.
My favourite saying comes in to play here. “Your freedom ends where mine begins and my freedom and where yours begins”. The minute a decision you are about to make steps onto the free will of another person you have just overstepped a boundary. This happens most often in Relationships because people can loose a sense of self and live solely in the “Us” space.
Here’s an example of overstepping a boundary, if I get angry and need to let out my emotions I may choose to grab a pillow and scream into it but if I choose to hit someone then I’ve overstepped their boundary. If I want to eat Lasagna and my husband wants to eat steak so I only make Lasagna then I’ve ignored his boundary. The minute you are having to force another person to do something to make yourself feel good only, then you just violated someone else’s boundaries. Some boundaries can be negotiated to make sure both parties don't feel like they are having to overstep their personal boundary.
Individual boundaries are not a contradiction to the connection and Oneness or all humankind. Having a boundary means that you are embracing your own individuality while also respecting the individuality of another. Therefore ultimately by loving yourself as well as loving another you are in fact supporting unity and Oneness, because whatever serves to make you happy individually serves to make the universe happy too. You begin to take on a sense that another person's happiness is just as important as your own and you will even value and protect another person’s boundaries as you would your own if you truely understand Oneness. A happy individual feels no need to take from another person. We need to learn how to find a win-win solution without stepping onto each other’s individuality.
So you see personal boundaries are not a contradiction to Spirituality and Oneness. It actually supports it.
By Carla Savannah
Categories: Self Development